In Between

Being lonely while entering into a transition, 
a change, a move is difficult yet centering

Reminding me of what is most important, 
of who is most important

Reflecting on the behind and entertaining the ahead, 
yet overlooking the now, the here, the feet
“I wanna be where my feet are” — a prayer between my lips
a hope, a motivation, a goal

Balancing unsuccessfully each stage 
while they change before my eyes, 
yet also spending far too much time 
distracting, dissociating, and numbing

When no one else I know, 
no one in my front row, 
is “in between” like I am, 
being where my feet are gets exhausting

Even then, I am not alone
Even then, the Lord is steadfast, 
faithful and everlasting

Whether I feel it or not, He’s here
My father is in the “in between”
behind and before
where my feet are, were, and will be

“Where shall I run from your spirit
Or where shall I flee from your presence
If I ascend to heaven, you are there
If I make my bed in Sheol, you are there…” [Psalm 139]

Even when I forget your many names, 
your many blessings, and your daily mercies,
You are there

Even when I feel alone and far from your presence, 
You are there

Even when I continue to fall into the same sin,
You are there

Even there, at my lowest point, 
when I fail to hold the weight of my sin, shame, and brokenness on my own,
You are there

Reminded of all the incredible, 
surprising and beautiful blessings I have received
I never imagined what God would do

Through all the low valleys and high mountains,
the Lord has been fastening me, leading me, holding me
step by step into His loving arms